


please leave a message

by marciee



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Heavy Angst, M/M, Post-Relationship, extreme nostalgia, i hope this turns out ok, i proofread this 3 times, kiwon is such an underrated ship can i just, ok consider this my gift to all the kiwon shippers out there love u, yuto is mentioned once or twice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 05:00:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11684592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marciee/pseuds/marciee
Summary: Hyunggu dialed in his phone number slowly, his finger lingering in the air after tapping each digit in. He didn’t need pictures to remember how the sunlight seemed to kiss him gently, on his cheeks, eyes, and lips. He didn’t need words to remember the irresistible, thick groans and shameful, but tantalizing promises of what they’d do to each other.





	please leave a message

Hyunggu stared at his phone, the single source of artificial light in his room. Adachi convinced him to delete his number, but he didn’t know that Hyunggu knew it by heart.  2-0-1-6-1-0-1-0, each digit making his heart pound faster and his grip tighten on his phone. Hyunggu had turned off the lights in the room, leaving himself sitting in the dark as usual. He couldn’t make himself turn on the lights. He couldn’t make himself do anything anymore.

 

He turned away and looked at the window. The flashing lights from buildings and the moonlight outside were too bright and distracting for him to focus, or that’s how he justified his procrastinating. Hyunggu stood up and shut the curtains tightly before he returned to the spot on his bed where he sat earlier. He kept putting it off, telling himself he needed more time to recover before he could do this.

 

He ran his fingers through his raven hair and sighed. It was too cold, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop wearing shorts around the house and when he headed outside. People’s gazes lingered on him on the streets, and his friends looked at him with a strange pity when he showed up in t-shirts and shorts. It was dumb and unpractical, but Hyunggu knew that the moment he started wearing long sleeves and pants, he would have surrendered to the winter weather.

 

He blinked, his eyes watering from staring at the number pad too long. Summer can’t end, not for him. Hyunggu breathed in shakily and let out a shiver from the cold. It had to though. Adachi finally got pissed off and gave up on him like the others, telling him not to text or call him until Hyunggu got over him. Adachi was so patient with him though, comforting him and coaxing him into hanging out with the others. 

 

Once, probably by accident, he mentioned how much he missed Hyunggu before it happened. Adachi covered his mouth right after, but Hyunggu had heard him and he fell apart, tears seeping out his eyes. He realized missed how easy, how fun life used to be before all he could think of was him and he was all that mattered. 

 

Hyunggu threw his phone down on his bed in frustration. He watched all his friends try to cheer him up with any and everything and eventually giving up on him with pitying looks. As time passed though, he managed to develop a somewhat functional routine. Getting up for his 9-5 office job, texting or calling Adachi, and cry self to sleep. It was all he could manage to do. 

 

He laughed at himself. He was so pathetic. Hyunggu lost an unhealthy amount of weight, gained practically permanent bags under his eyes and barely left the house anymore. He was a mess. A single thought can bring back memories, good or bad, that’ll make him crumble into tears. Anything that reminded him of him did, whether it was the clear blue skies he loved so much, wispy clouds typical of summer weather or even a particularly bright flower. Anything that reminded him of summer.

 

Hyunggu took a deep breath, gripping his phone. Nothing can last forever, and summer was no exception. He turned it on hesitantly, wondering if he should go through with this as his fingers wandered automatically to the number pad. Adachi had wiped his phone of any traces of him, but Hyunggu didn’t need pictures or words to remember him.

 

Hyunggu dialed in his phone number slowly, his finger lingering in the air after tapping each digit in. He didn’t need pictures to remember how the sunlight seemed to kiss him gently, on his cheeks, eyes, and lips. He didn’t need words to remember the irresistible, thick groans and shameful, but tantalizing promises of what they’d do to each other.

 

He tried to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come out no matter how hard he tried as if he had finally run out of tears. Hyunggu shook as if he was crying, the ghost of his tears rolling down his face. He sniffed, breathing heavily and blinking at the glowing screen in front of him. Hyunggu kept distracting, sweet talking himself and procrastinating from what he should’ve done long ago, from what he was going to do.

 

He pressed call.

 

The phone rang throughout the room, its artificial ringing taunting Hyunggu as if daring him to hang up. A hundred thoughts squirmed and swam through his head and all of them were yelling at him to hang up, though he persisted miraculously. He knew, deep down that this, this was what he needed to do.

 

“Hello?” 

 

That one word, those two syllables. That was all it took for Hyunggu to break. To sob and wail, to completely crumble the walls he tried to build around him and to expose him and leave him vulnerable. 

 

He heaved and sobbed, though his face remained dry. His light, slightly lispy voice brought back so many memories, each flashing through Hyunggu’s mind like a neon sign that spelled out nearly how much he missed him. 

 

“I-it’s me.” 

 

Hyunggu whispered in between sniffles, afraid to speak too loudly, afraid to invoke more tears. He wondered what went through his head when he heard Hyunggu’s voice. Was it a voice telling him to hang up? Or was it a sigh or look of pity?

 

Maybe it brought back memories. Memories of summer. Memories of the time they went skinny dipping, or the time they went to the beach, or the fireworks, both in the sky and in their bed. 

 

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t hang up either, breathing softly into the phone and sounding a bit fuzzier than usual through the device. Hyunggu could feel his heart ache and he smiled at himself for being so pathetic. He missed his breathing, his broad chest heaving up and down quietly where Hyunggu’s head laid, soft snores and the sound of his heartbeat lulling Hyunggu to sleep. 

 

“Please… just listen.” 

 

Hyunggu forced his words out stiffly and paused to see if he had hung up. He was still there, although he didn't reply to Hyunggu. Then the words, the truth, tumbled out all at once like they often did late at night when there was no one in the world but them.

 

“I… I miss you.” 

 

Hyunggu started softly and unsurely, letting the words fall out straight from his heart. 

 

“I miss you… so much. I miss you so much and you don’t even know. I wish you were here with me, holding me, comforting me, brushing my tears away and making me laugh.” 

 

Hyunggu almost started laughing, his vision starting to blur. 

 

“Sometimes... when Adachi tries to comfort me, I can pretend for a moment that you’re the one rubbing my back and combing through my hair, and I cry even harder.”

 

A silence followed, making Hyunggu wonder if pouring out all his feelings in a phone call to his ex was a good idea. A car honked in the distance. It was too late to stop, the words spilling out from his lips before he could shut his mouth. 

 

“I miss breathing you in every morning, seeing you walking around the apartment, and even hearing your snores. I miss tasting you on my lips and touching you, any and every inch of your body.” 

 

Hyunggu breathed in, closing his eyes and his voice growing shakier.

 

“I… I miss the beach where you wore the stupid red swimming shorts and got sunburnt so badly, the spontaneous picnic at the park under that tree you loved for no reason other than it reminded you… of me.”

 

Hyunggu knew he was rambling. He should really stop himself before he completely breaks down, but he had already given into his stupid nostalgia. Memories of every hazy, lazy summer day they spent together floated around in his head. Every cuddle, kiss, and fuck they shared in the steamy summer weather. The way every touch made Hyunggu explode like fireworks or burn up in flames like the sun. The way he made him feel like Hyunggu’s name was a sin when he groaned it into his ears. 

 

“I miss how we used to cuddle under the sheets, even when it’s way too hot for it and you’d joke that we’re melting together. I miss falling asleep to your voice, your snores, your breathing. I miss catching you look at me like I was the world and everything you were looking for, because you’re the one I wanted and needed, want and need, and will ever want or need.”

 

It hurt to rip open his scars again, but Hyunggu knew the searing pain in his heart was a necessary torture. When you stitch up a wound and mess up, you have to pull it out and start over again. But it was painful. It was having each memory laid out and played before your eyes, slowly so you can relive it while knowing fully well that it had already happened and will never happen again. That it was just a memory. 

 

“Ko Shinwon.” 

 

Hyunggu said his name, his full name, for the first time in forever. It rolled off his tongue as casually as they rolled into bed together at night, but it carried so much meaning, so many memories, both sad and not. Hyunggu had forbidden himself from saying those two words, afraid of what would happen if he did, but now he knows. His name felt like daggers on his tongue, bringing back vivid descriptions of him that Hyunggu had only seen in dreams. 

 

Ko Shinwon. Tall, broad shoulders and a model-like appearance. Red tinged brown hair and a talent for looking good in anything. A nearly permanent smirk and twinkly eyes that smiled when he did. Fragments of him came to Hyunggu when he dazed off, when he dreamt, and sometimes when he was simply doing nothing at all. 

 

Hyunggu felt suffocated like he couldn’t continue his words. His vision was blurry, his cheeks wet with tears he couldn’t feel any more. He had grown numb to it. 

 

Hyunggu wanted to say three certain words to him, to repeat it a million times like he had in his head, to say it to him personally. He had to bring himself to do it, to finally directly say what he’s repeated over and over again for the duration of the call. It was what they promised not to do at the beginning of summer, what Hyunggu had ended up doing, what they’ve both known ever since he did. Those three words meant summer to Hyunggu, and to say it was to let summer go, something he was finally ready to do.

 

“I love you.” 

 

Hyunggu said softly to the dial tone, choking on his sobs. His tears dripped onto his lap like a rain of emotions, a melancholic hurricane. 

 

“I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.” 

 

The more he repeated it, the more he wanted to scream it for the world to know, for him to know. Hyunggu said it to him in his head every day before he slept and when he woke up and not just in words either. It was every tiptoed kiss on the forehead when he came out of the shower or returned home. It was every silent smile they shared, every moment their hands intertwined, every white-hot spurt of bliss. 

 

“I loved you. I still love you. I will always, always love you.” 

 

With that, Hyunggu finally turned off his phone and tossed it to the side. He curled up into his blankets and cried. Hyunggu bawled and shook until his head started to hurt, and he laid back on his bed. He kicked his sheets away, staring at the ceiling as his head pounded like a hammer. 

 

A breeze. A ghost of a summer breeze, a ghost of their love. A cold whip of the wind that dragged itself on Hyunggu’s exposed arms and legs, as if letting him know. Summer was finally over. Summer was long gone for everyone, but for him, summer had finally just ended.

**Author's Note:**

> hey there friends its me marcie back WITH KIWON ANGST  
> i hope yall enjoyed this angsty rarepair!! honestly i should be working on gbgb but im lazy and kiwon deserves better than 7 fics ok
> 
> if u already follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/nochilluniverse) then u know im nuts about kiwon but if not go right ahead for more kiwon content on my pinned tweet!!
> 
> if youre a gbgb follower uh i dont know when the next chapter will be up and i dont want to make any promises but hope for within the next two weeks!! im sorry u guys have to wait so long but school is gonna start soon and i gotta get ready T^T
> 
> as always, leave a kudos/comment/bookmark if u enjoyed this!! i love u all and have a great day!!!
> 
> (shoutout to fuck rick, asu and shar love u)


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